Monday, November 26, 2012

Feeling Terrible

Shouldn't I be elated?

Shouldn't I be beaming and glowing with joy that I radiate happiness and feel fantastic?

Shouldn't I still feel like normal at this point?

To put it bluntly, I feel like crap!  I'm constantly hot, super smell sensitive.  Numerous food aversions, even talking / thinking about food makes me have a gag reflex.  I'm tired and my muscles feel like they've gone to mush.  My skin is oily and breaking out horribly.  And my stomach seems constantly nauseous.  Popsicles seem to be the only thing I can always eat safely.

This phase of life is supposed to be a glorious and beautiful thing.  And don't get me wrong - the being growing inside of me and baby to come is amazing and I am forever grateful for him / her.  But this pregnancy thing, kinda sucks.  I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel like this empowered woman with "look what I am creating!!".  I feel sick!  And fluffy!  And flat out ugly!


It will get better... it will get better... it will get better... It has to get better.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Morning Sickness

Yesterday I experienced my first occurrence of the infamous morning sickness.  We were on our way to the park with our dog, our typical Saturday / Sunday morning routine, and I was eating an apple for breakfast on the drive.  I thought it wouldn't be wise to wait to eat until 10 am like we normally do on weekends, so I thought I was doing good...

Three bites into the apple my stomach started to get a bit queasy.  I stopped eating.  Breathed deeply.  Tried to continue.  My husband (who thankfully was driving) asked if I was okay, and I said yes that my stomach was a bit upset.  I tried to eat a few more bites as I figured I was getting nausea due to taking my prenatals on an empty stomach.

Another bite in and I had to stop all together.

Me: "I may need you to pull over."
Hubby: "Really?  Okay well just let me kn..."
Me: "I need you to pull over."

Pull over.

I got sick on the side of the road on the way to the park.

Our dog cried in the backseat because I had delayed his trip to park.

5 weeks, 4 days in. First case of morning sickness.

I can't be too bothered by it - it means that things are working and normal, right?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

5 weeks 1 day

Dear baby Milam,

         To my little "sweet pea" or "orange seed" (I seem to be getting different answers as to how big you are now), I do not know any more eloquent of a way to put this - but you're making mommy gassy.  Painfully so.  I know this is just another pregnancy symptom that is a blessing because it means you're there, you're growing, and my body is working to encourage your development.  But it's not very pleasant to be cringing at work and accidentaly passing gas, hoping your coworkers didn't hear.

          On a sweeter note, I hope you can feel and enjoy daddy's good morning kisses as much as I do.  They make my heart melt :)


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

And God Smiled

We made a plan, to start trying in the middle of October.

God saw our plan and smiled, and blessed us with a baby.

Our first time trying, my husband and I successfully got pregnant.  I cannot express how elated and relieved I am that we did not have any issues getting pregnant.  At this point, I am 5 weeks, and am very very happy to say that Baby Milam is expected to be here around July 18, 2013.

I am already feeling the pregnancy symptoms - some soreness, my breasts feel a bit larger and sore.  There's a pressure in my lower abdomen, and I feel like my stomach is already larger.  Stomach gets a bit unhappy at times but no morning sickness yet.  I have cravings occasionally  but I believe they are normal fat kid cravings and cannot be attributed to the pregnancy. :)

According to The Bump, my baby is about the size of an apple seed at this point.  We have an appointment with my OB/GYN in 2 weeks, so hopefully we can get a good view of our little gift from heaven.  Also, twins seem to run in my husband's family, skipping generations, so we'll get to find out exactly how many Milams are in there!!

As mentioned in my last post, we had went away for a week and a half to Ireland and I knew my period was supposed to start then.  Knowing this, and thinking how fantastic it would be to tell my husband that we're pregnant at some poignant location in Ireland, I brought the pregnancy test with me.  My period should have started Monday, and hadn't started by Tuesday night.  Tuesday I felt a pressure in my stomach that I just attributed to eating too much (as one does on vacation) and tried not to get my hopes up.

Well Tuesday night into Wednesday morning I had a dream in which at one point a girlfriend of mine walked up to me and put her arm around me.  She turned to me and asked me "are you pregnant?".  I told her "no, but we're trying".  In which she replied, "I think you're pregnant, because you're getting fat".  Lovely sentiment, yes?  But I woke up Wednesday morning in our hotel with again, no period.  I felt the need to take the test but was nervous beyond belief.  What is there to be nervous about?  It would be fantastic if we were pregnant!  But why was I so scared to pee on a stick?  I stood in the bathroom debating, should I take it or no.  I paced, I debated, I tried to go back to bed.  What if my husband awoke and found out what I was doing?  Again - he would have been thrilled to find out that we were pregnant, but I didn't want him to find out that way.

I finally convinced myself to take the test.  I walked into the bathroom and picked up the bag in which the box of pregnancy tests were in - I heard my husband shuffle in bed, so I quickly dropped the box and peered out the door to see if he was waking up.  No?  Okay.
I go back to the bag, unzip the zipper.  Husband makes a noise.  I quickly zip the bag back up and peer out the door.  Still sleeping.
Repeat where I get the box out of the bag, shove it back in again when I think I hear him waking up.
I get the test in my hands and have to shove it all back in again when I think I hear him waking up...
needless to say this process took more than the 3 minutes they say it should.

I did my business on the stick as the instructions stated, sat it on the back of the toilet and started to count.  I could already see two lines.  I walked out of the bathroom to go change clothes and not torture myself watching a stick for 3 minutes.  After the time had elapsed, I went back in.  2 pink lines = pregnant.  Shock kicks in.

Unsure of what to do now knowing this boulder of information, I just got back in bed and snuggled up to my husband.  After he finally woke up and we laid there talking, I told him that I took the test.  "what did it say?"  I told him "it said we're pregnant". "REALLY?!?"  It wasn't the magical moment overlooking the Cliffs of Moher that I initially had planned, but it was perfect the way it was.

So to the apple-seed inside my belly, we're really really ecstatic that you're here.  And we pray that you're healthy and can't wait to see you in 2 weeks.  And boy oh boy will your grandparents be excited when we tell them on Thanksgiving about your existence.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Happy November

My husband and I are preparing to travel abroad, and according to my calendar, I a normally would have my period right smack in the middle of this trip.  Fabulous, no?

But that also means, I could determine that we're pregnant during this trip.

Fabulous, yes? :)

I'm trying not to get my hopes up.  It's very possible that our first try at attempting to get pregnant didn't work.  It normally takes a few months.  But I can't help but be excited at the possibility.  My husband and I had a realization the other night standing in the kitchen that our child could very well be growing inside of me right now.  He put his hand on my stomach and we looked at each other - it was surreal.  It's very feasible to think that we could be unknowingly 3 at this point (or 5 if you could our fur children).

I had another touching moment standing in the kitchen, washing dishes of all things.  I could see my husband interact with our dog through an opening over the sink.  The dog was sitting on a recliner, and my husband proceeded to wrap him up in a blanket, start rubbing his back and kissed his head.  It was a sweet moment that I do not believe my husband realized was on display and that I was attentively watching.  But I couldn't help but melt a bit when I saw it, thinking "I hope I'm pregnant.  I want to make him a father."

This will probably be my last post before I go on the trip.  Sooo by the next time I write, I very well could be considered a mommy-to-be!