Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Birth Story - Part 1

So this may take a while to write out, since your labor was QUITE long (36 hours).  But here it goes...

We had an appointment the morning of Friday July 19th at 8 AM for a B.P.P. test.  It was one day after your due date, and the doctor suggested running this test just to make sure everything was okay with the baby.  BPP is a BioPhysical Profile test that checks 5 categories and each category you can score 2 points.  If you score 9 or 10, the baby is fine.  Go home.  If you score 7 or 8, they would have you come back the next day to check on things (depending on what you lost points in).  5 - 6, they would keep you there and induce.  Anything lower is an immediate emergency c-section.  The 5 categories are:

  • Nonstress test (monitors heart rate)
  • Breathing movement
  • Body movement
  • Muscle tone (seeing baby flex or extend)
  • Amniotic fluid volume
We arrived at Mercy for our appointment at 8, fully knowing that we could be held there to have a baby - but we just assumed everything was fine and we'd be sent home.  Everything throughout the entire pregnancy was going great - why would there be an issue now?  I forgot the Dr's RX to get the test done, and they didn't open for another few hours, but they were able to call the Dr on staff and get permission to administrator my test knowing I was past my due date.

We went back to the exam room where they hooked me up for the nonstress test and started the ultra sound for the remaining 4 categories.  Within a minute, the tech saw breathing movement, body movement, and muscle tone.  Passed those 3 with flying colors.  But she wasn't finding any good "pockets" of amniotic fluid...  They had a goal of 5 cm of fluid, minimum of 3 cm, but weren't even finding one of that size.  She said "let me go advise the doctor on staff, but you're most likely going to be induced today."  Your father and I looked at each other, and I started to cry.  I wanted to have that moment of "I think it's time honey! Get in the car!" with the rush to the hospital.  I wanted my body to start the labor process on it's own like it should.  I worried that it was something I did to make the fluid low and that it in any way shape or form hurt you. I wouldn't be getting the all natural experience I wanted.  I texted my mom to let her know that we were being induced.  Your father called his work to let them know he wouldn't be in.  Today was to be the day you were born (or so we thought...)

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I promise to say "I love you"

Occasionally when I talk to your mom-mom (my mother), she forgets to say "I love you" when getting off the phone.  I always catch it and typically will remind her after she says "bye" that I love her.  She will reply back with an "I love you", and we get off the phone.

But every so often, I don't get the sentiment back. 

This evening I spoke with my mother on my way home from work, and this is how our conversation went:
Mom: "alright well I'll talk to you later."
Me: "sounds good.  I love you."
Mom: "bye"
Me: ".... Bye"
Mom: "bye"

(Yes she said 'bye' twice - she always has to have the last word. But that's a whole other diatribe.)

I try to give her the benefit of the doubt- she was watching you at the time so was probably preoccupied.  But it still bothers me.  What if that was the last time we ever spoke? I wouldn't have been reminded "I love you" that one last time.  Or reverse, she wouldn't have had the chance to tell her only child that she loves them.  I know the phrase's absence isn't intentional, but it still bothers me.

So I want to promise you that never in our lives together on earth, will you go a day without me telling you that I love you.   I've loved you since seeing seeing a little stick tell me that you existed, and I always will.

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

Robert Munsch

Thursday, October 10, 2013


This past weekend I got my haircut for the first time in almost a year. I was too afraid while pregnant with you to get my haircut due to all the chemicals in the air at salons.  The haircut was a big change for me as I went with bangs, which I haven't had since middle school.  
And the end result:
Mind you, this "end result" was after hours of you pulling on it and spitting up on it. 

I've had my hair long for very long time...  back when I was young perhaps eight or nine I used to have a bowl cut and I hated it! it was so short and I think it traumatized me. I haven't been able to have my hair above my shoulders since.

Which I don't think you mind. you seem to enjoy pulling on my hair and grabbing it frequently.  It seems to be a source of comfort for you. sometimes when my hair is out of your reach, you'll reach back and grab your own hair.

You have a lot of hair. you were born with a lot of hair, and I'm surprised it hasn't fallen out yet.  As of now (and your 11 weeks old) it's about 2 inches long & straight Brown. It seems to be getting lighter as you get older, and when it's wet it's very curly. 

While I was in labor and you were crowning, the doctor exclaimed "wow, that's a lot of hair!" she turned to your father and asked "do you want me to braid it while we wait?" your father being the jokester that he is stated "I don't think we have time for that ... but how about a mohawk?" so she gave you a Mohawk while you were crowning :)

Well I think you have fallen asleep, so I'm going to close. 


Sunday, October 6, 2013

I don't want to say goodnight

I've changed your diaper so that it's doubled stuffed for overnight wear.  You have your pjs on (polka dot with a cupcake on the butt). You've been fed and are passed out on my lap.  But yet I just sit here.  I don't want to go lay you in your bassinet as that is an indicator of bed time and next thing I know, it'll be tomorrow.  And I have to leave you for 10.5 hours... I cried earlier today and am trying to be strong now, but I truly will be a mess tomorrow. 

I don't want to say goodnight.  I'm not ready to accept that I'll be away from you for so long.


Friday, October 4, 2013

Work, work, work señora

Sorry but I couldn't help but put in a Beetlejuice reference there ...

Today marks the last week day that I'll be home alone with you before returning to work. I took the full 12 weeks of maternity leave that I was allowed, and since you didn't show up for a week after I started to leave I've been with you almost constantly for 11 weeks. The longest that we have been apart so far was when I went to get a massage- I believe I was gone maybe 2 1/2 hours.  Tomorrow I have a hair appointment in which I think I'll be gone for three hours or so.

Going back to work is going to be hard but at least it's only for short time. I have to go back for at least one month for them to cover my benefits but after that I will be leaving and staying at home with you.  During that month my mom  ( your mom mom ) and your dad will be watching you.

But once I am home I will be working part-time for a friend of ours , just doing some general bookkeeping. it will pay just enough to cover our health insurance (you're under my coverage) and for my car payment. The rest of the bills will be covered by our savings, or your father will take over them, or they will just be charged.  It's a sacrifice that both your father and I have agreed upon so that I can be home with you, as opposed to you staying in a daycare all day. 

Fiscally it will be tough but I'm so happy you'll be raised by us and not by strangers at the daycare. I'll miss being able to take your father out to lunch, buying him little gifts , or even just grocery shopping without charging it would be nice. Perhaps after a few months and we get a routine, and then figure out how many hours a week this bookkeeping job will take me, perhaps I'll pick up one or two nights a week at Kohl's or some store to have some extra money.

My career will probably be shot in the long run, but you're worth it. 

But man oh man will this be a looong month.

Thursday, October 3, 2013


You slept for 8 1/2 hours straight last  night... 8 1/2!!!! You slept once before for 7, and 6 hours perhaps three times, but never ever 8 or more.  You stirred a few times, wiggling around and such. But your eyes were closed so I just rubbed your chest or head and you settled down. 

A typical night for you is 3 or 4 hours, then 3, then 2. I don't know if last night was a fluke, or if we found a magical night time mix, or if something has just clicked for you- but I'll take it!

I feel great having slept so much, except my boobs hurt like heck. :/ off to go pump.
I love these pajamas you're wearing

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

So I've been a little busy...

I saw an idea on Facebook about emailing your child different thoughts and feelings and giving them the email account when they turn 18.  I thought it was such a great idea and I remembered - wait a second don't I have a blog for that?

Oh yes, my poor neglected blog.

Obviously quite a bit has changed since my last entry you're here & you're perfect. Your birth was quite long and quite an adventure, but I need to take time to write out the whole story.

Currently you are curled up around me in the Boppy , nursing , and falling asleep. You're 10 1/2 weeks old.  I'm staring at your little face... you look more and more like me every day. when you were born, you looked a lot like your father.  That scared him tremendously, but I don't mind either way.  You have his blue  eyes (currently, it may change), your hair is brown and straight but when it's wet it gets very curly. I wonder what it's going to be like when you're older. 

Random thought to share with you- your father  hopes your taller then I am.  I'm an average height for a woman, and just an inch taller than my mom.  So personally I hope you're my height or an inch taller.  But not more than that.  Mommas childhood friend Randi always complains about being tall.  But looking at our family, the only tall female was my grandmother (your mom-mom's mother, Margie.  She passed away when mommy was in college), so odds are you'll either be short or average.

Well apparently we are fighting nap time... this is a photo of you right now:

Mommy has to go get ready. your Grammy is coming over today (Jean, your mothers fathers mother). So I'll Close for now, but I promise to be better about updating this.  mommy has an iPhone with voice recognition that types out what I say so it's easier to post. I also downloaded an app onto my phone, so no more excuses.  Only downside is that the voice recognition messes up words occasionally, and completely omits punctuation. I try to go back through and edit accordingly, but sometimes I miss things.  

Peanut I wish you'd take a nap.  Mommy has a lot of stuff to do before Grammy comes!

I love you...