Your first birthday party

You turned six months old earlier this week and I can't help but think how close we are to you turning one.  I don't want to rush things, but I occasionally stop and think about your first birthday party.  I'm very anxious to throw it- as it's a celebration of you!  I often wonder what the theme may be, and I assume by then you'll show some preferences in toys / things to base the party on.  But if I had to plan the party today based on things you express an interest in, the theme may be:

- curtains

- watermelon

- boobies

- purple telephones

- rainbows

- Duncan

- bananas

- the light fixture in our dining room

- mirrors

So... I could build a party on a few of those ideas... Rainbows. Watermelon... But hopefully you show a theme friendly preferred toy sometime in the next few months.  Even though your dad thinks a boobies themed party catered by Hooters would be hysterical 

To the mom of a newborn

I often think about when I will eventually show this blog to you.  I want to be old enough to appreciate the nostalgia, but not so old that I won't remember anything if you ask me a question about something you read.  Maybe it will be when you turn 21 ... maybe it will be when you get pregnant with your first child ( if you so choose to have children). Whenever it is I hope it is before you have your first child so you too can read and appreciate this blog entry I found yesterday.  I found it purely on circumstance - not a blog I typically follow.  But it's so perfectly describes how I have been feeling these first few months of motherhood.  I read this entry and damn near cried- it felt like someone finally understood and could put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) as to what I was feeling.  Motherhood is like this exclusive club that you never fully understand until you're in it.  But once you are in you gain the whole new level of appreciation for all the other mothers out there especially yours. I hope that you get out of this what I did - it's okay to  not be superwoman.  Whatever you are doing is probably great and probably exactly what your baby needs.

Enjoy

___________________

To the mom of a newborn

I am freeing you today.

I am freeing you from everything that you think you need to be doing.

I am freeing you from needing to have your house spotless, meals prepared, perfectly done hair, and a to-do list with everything checked off. (Oh yes, by the way, that to-do list will never ever happen so just prepare yourself for that.)

I am freeing you from scrolling through pinterest or facebook or looking through those glossy colored magazines and you deciding that the only way to be a good mom is to have all of that stuff done.

I am freeing you from looking at the mom with many kids and wondering why she seems to have it together and you’re struggling to just get the dishes in the dishwasher.

I am freeing you.

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You, right now, do not need to worry about any of the should have’s, the could have’s, the need to do’s, the stuff that we all think motherhood is about. You don’t need to sit in your living room wondering why taking care of this creature that you waited for what feels like forever feels so ridiculously hard.

Instead, listen. Listen, you have a newborn.

You have a newborn.

A wake up whenever they want to, cry without you knowing what they want, eat all the time, poop all the time, spit up, change their clothes what feels like a million times, rock in the rocking chair, pace the living room dancing, burping, little creature that needs you all the time.

Do not worry about the other stuff right now. I know, I know, it feels like a fog – it feels like you’re underwater swimming and needed all the time – and the truth is? That is exactly what it is. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Don’t feel guilt about not savoring every single moment, but because, really, you just need to get through every single moment. This is a time in your life when you will be pushed to your limits mentally and physically. You’ll want sleep more than anything and will dream about just getting a fifteen minute catnap. You’ll eat in spurts and will have laundry behind and well, you’ll give and give and give.

Don’t compare.

Do. not. compare.

Don’t look at the mom with many kids and wonder how in the world she has it all together when you feel like you can barely roll out of your bed in the morning. Do you know why? Because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, honestly, if you feel like she has it all together. Do you know what matters?

What you’re doing right now.

It’s a season. A very short season that when you’re in the middle feels like it will take forever to get through. It’s a time in life where the days are blurred together and yet passing by. And you will get through.  You will simply get through. That newborn will grow, will start smiling, will start sleeping through the night (can we just all stand up collectively and cheer?), will start becoming more independent, and you will grow with them. Don’t forget that. You are learning to mother, you are learning about your sweet child and their nuances, and you are growing stronger.

Some day, sweet mother with the newborn, you will be in the spot where I am remembering these days. I look at my life and think about how it’s been four years (look at those pics of my Samuel) since I’ve had a newborn in my house, and yet, oh my goodness, I can still remember how exhausting it truly was during those days.  And you will know, you will remember, and you will tell that mom with the newborn the same thing. You will tell her how important it is to accept help, to sleep, to not care about minutia, to overpack the diaper bag,  and to learn to trust herself.

No one can teach another how to mother – it is simply something learned – it’s an ebb and flow, trial and error, pick up and do it again, and most beautiful thing. Don’t forget that. Even though it may just feel like what you’re doing doesn’t really matter or that you’re out of breath or that you just wish sometimes for a moment to have a break or that you’re not doing a great job or that all you want is sleep – it all matters.

So, from me to you, I stand up and tell you that you are doing an amazing thing right now in the very normal giving of self. Yes, you right now, in a home that feels that it might have turned just a bit upside down.

You’ll find your new routine. You’ll get sleep. Well, maybe.

You are mother.

Now, onward, sweet mom with the newborn.

You are amazing.

And one day, one day you’ll wake up not so tired, you’ll look at that baby that’s grown, that baby that you rocked and rocked and sang to you, and you’ll think I did it. Because you will do this.

__________________

Your First Christmas

Yes, I know, I suck at keeping a blog.

Don't judge.

Anyways, I wanted to fill you in on your first Christmas.

I just had a long post written and it didn't save... ::head wall::

Okay so let's try this again.  Christmas Eve was spent at home with my grand  parents (the Sonn's) and your fathers friend Bryan.  Bryan was a last minute addition as his family lives far away and he would have otherwise spent Christmas alone.  I spent the day cleaning, cooking dinner, making dessert, baking cookies for Santa, taking care of you, and entertaining my grandparents. 

It. Was. Busy.

And when that was all done and everyone (but your father and I) went to bed, prep work for Christmas morning breakfast began.  

Santa's cookies were peanut butter cookies with dark chocolate chips.

Dinner was:

   - glazed ham (nothing special-  the only thing I did to it other than heat it up was add pineapple slices).

   - potatoes Anna ( with Yukon and sweet potatoes)

   - roasted carrots

   - caramelized pearl onions 

Dessert were wine glasses filled with red and green jello layered with whip cream on top.  But, everyone was too full to eat it.  I slowly ate them over the next few weeks.

Christmas Eve night we opened presents with my grandparents.  They got you a laugh and learn table (it's a bit too old for you still) and your baby genius Neptune play center (you LoVE this). 

After everyone went to bed, your father and I prepped breakfast for he next morning.  We had:

   - homemade cinnamon roll wreath (huge hit - making this a tradition)

   - egg casserole (sounded appealing as it was a crock pot meal but turned out so so)

   - orange punch (just oj with slices of pineapple and strawberries- but apparently tasted freshly squeezed)

   - fruit tree (a picture of what it should have been below, but I grew far too tired, and we ran out of toothpicks, so it turned into a fruit tray)

So Christmas Eve went well (other than how LOUD my grandparents are! Pop is hard   of hearing so grandpa always shouts. For everything. Even while you were sleeping, she'd shout across rooms.  She commented as she was leaving how "it's amazing how quiet you have to be for her to sleep."  In which we replied "we don't have to be quiet (we already are), we just can't be loud."  Somewhat of a backhanded way of saying 'you're too loud!'  But I digress...

Christmas morning we hoste a large group - my grandparents were still there, and your fathers mother / father / sister joined us as well.  The food went well, and we all opened gifts together.  

You got so many toys... Mostly from your father and I.  Your toy car, blocks, cars, stacking rings.... We also decided to start an annual tradition in the form of a gift for you.  Well we couldn't decide which route to go - so we chose two traditions and we'll see which one sticks.  Pajamas, and a necklace that I chose for you.  I believe our plan for the jewelry is to collect them over the next several years and give them all to you on your 16th birthday / Christmas. 

After the masses had left - we enjoyed the rest of the day quietly at home. Much needed and enjoyed and a great way to end your first Christmas.