A memory... Driving you around

This is going to be a quick post but as I am driving around, I recall the first few times I drove you around in my car.  Especially when I was alone driving with you- I was a nervous wreck!! I was scared to go on the highways... I would only take side roads. The first time I took the highway with you in the car I was an absolute wreck.  I felt the need to cover my car in pillows to protect you (obviously that's an exaggeration). 

And now I am used to having you as my copilot - looking in my rear view mirror and seeing your smiling face.  Now when I'm driving around without you, I get panicked. i've become more accustomed to having you in the car than not.

Ahh my darling abba. You're more perfect than you'll ever understand. Mwah

Swings

Over the weekend you tried swinging on the swings for the very first time in your life.  We took you (and Duncan) on a walk at honeygo park and thought we'd see how you reacted to the swings.  Well, your expression was priceless and these photos have quickly became my favorite. 

Pure

Joy...

Happy Birthday Abby

We are coming to a close on your very first birthday.  A day that we planned and anticipated for so long, but now here seems surreal.  You've been here for a full year now.  Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that you were born?

Your birthday party was yesterday which was a lot of fun.  A good crowd of friends and family coming together to eat, watch you plAy and open gifts.  Today was a bit calmer but enjoyable.

I wish I had the energy to write a long sentimental and poignant post- but I'm exhausted...  Just know that I love you. I hope you had an amazing birthday.  Every day I'm amazed by you and in awe.  You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I love you peanut 

First orioles game

Today was your first orioles game, and it went so very well! You seemed to enjoy yourself.  You didn't freak out at the sudden loud noises, nor the oriole bird.

I hope you learn to love baseball as much as your daddy and I do. I have many fond memories of my dad taking me to games and teaching me about the sport.  

Staring

I could literally sit here and stare at your face for hours... I don't know if you will ever understand how beautiful you are and how perfect you are.  I don't know if you'll comprehend it until you have a child of your own.  The love between a parent and child is unlike anything I've ever known. 

Snuggles

Ah my darling child, how difficult it is to get you to sleep... We find ourselves in this position several times a day. Sometimes several times for just one nap. And while I'm exhausted and sometimes a bit frustrated, I admittedly enjoy the snuggles. Because I know there will be a day where you won't want to lay in my lap, or will be "too cool" to show love to your mother. 

You won't remember moments like these, but I always will. 

Sleep Training

This was supposed to post on April 25 and didn't for some reason ... So ignore the date.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...  

Sitting here looking at the monitor with you laying in your crib, screaming. 

Now before you call me a horrible mother (which you may still after reading this), let me explain.  You are not a sleeper.  Well, youre a sleep-on-mommy-and-only-mommy sleeper.  You have learned over time the only way to fall a sleep is on me. 

Naps? Have to fall asleep on me.

Bedtime? Have to fall asleep on me.

Wake up at 11:30 pm? And 1:00 am? And 3:00 am? And 5:00 am? Have to fall back asleep on me...

You have slept through the night on several occasions.  There was a whole month when you were around 3 months old that you slept all night every night. But ever since then it's been an oddity. On a normal night, you wake up twice. On a good night? You wake up once or sleep all night (happens maybe once very few weeks). Bad night? 4 or 5 times up.  Or only 2 - 3 but you stay up for an hour one of those times.  Typically you fall asleep around 8:30 pm and wake up between 7 - 8 am.

This also makes naps short and difficult. There was a time when I could only lay you down for a nap for 10 minutes or so before you'd wake up.  Currently - your morning nap will last between an hour and an hour and a half. Usually you wake up part of the way through and require me to get you back to sleep. Afternoon naps average 30-45 minutes. 

Needless to say - you should be sleeping more. And you should be sleeping through the night and putting yourself to sleep. 

I know this is my fault.  When you were younger, you'd fall asleep while nursing.  And I thought you were still genuinely eating, so I'd let you stay latched on. Hence the days of 6+ hours of nursing and no pacifiers.  Eventually I learned to recognize when you were no longer eating and just comfort sucking, and would put a paci in your mouth.